Gossip is Good for You

Don’t Kill the Messenger

I am not saying I approve of gossip. I’m only saying that I do gossip.

I don’t want to try to explain why, exactly, but regularly seeking out articles that justify questionable behavior is also part of that habit. X number of cups shows decrease in dementia; you don’t need 10,000 steps – 4,000 a day in this study says that … – you get the picture.

I think it’s called information bias.

The issue is that I have happy little vignette memories of gossip sessions. My (deceased in 2024) daughter and I have similar senses of humor – a sort of sarcastic take on people and events that, when we recounted them with each other, left us in stitches.

And I can easily recall a dozen conversations, some of them decades-old, that my mother and I had about the Lukens and how they all hung around in their house wearing only their underwear. We realized this was creepy, but these people were not magazine models and so Jane (said mother) or I would say, “Why do you think the Lukens hang out in old underpants”? Then the other would counter with a ridiculous reason and, anyway, it was funny at the time.

Despite this habit, I assure myself I’m loyal to everyone I love and don’t tolerate malicious anything done or said to not just the family member and friends, but really to anyone, any human. Life has enough inherent mountains to climb; I don’t want to add to anyone’s difficulties.

Which sounds like so much justification of bad behavior.

But if it’s so bad, why does nearly every single person I know gossip? They may not call it gossip, but it is. It’s telling me something off or funny or what might be embarrassing about another person we both mutually and independently know.

Apparently, this behavior makes us smarter (see paragraph 2 above, information bias).

This Time Magazine article, Gossiping is Smarter Thank You Think states: Gossip, for all its bad press, is not a character flaw. Rather, it’s a powerful cognitive tool that allows our minds to weigh social risk like a chess master, many moves ahead. We therefore need to stop treating gossip as a moral failing and start recognizing it as a form of social intelligence, a vital skill for managing relationships, reputations, and the flow of information in our modern world. Gossiping wisely is not just smarter than we think—it’s essential for social survival.

The thing that comes up for me often, when I realize I’m speaking of someone else to another, is that they would be hurt if they heard me say what I am saying. That’s the thing. I’m the problem and so is my behavior.

Sometimes I imagine the actual scene of them (the target of my gossip) overhearing me and I cringe.

Yet here we still are, many of us, talking of others in not-the-most flattering terms.

I’ve no great moral insight or punchline here. Maybe that I am human, as are we all. And in that, I realize our frailties and faults, and I go on and try to have a good day.

But did you hear who Mavis plans to marry?

Try to Be Nice

Under the People Are Amazing category: Travelers Lift Helicopter Off Woman.

Things I Find Cool

This guy does a TikTok called Top Five Dogs of the Week on TikTok. I love it so much – bunch of vids of dogs doing wonderful things (and often the people too).

Have someone in your life who needs a dose of fun, funny and fantastic? Forward them a sign-up link